Homecoming / Visit

Let me start by stating the obvious: "I hate the Army." I know this sounds silly, but I just have to get that off my chest first.

Second, I find "homecomings" to be very difficult adjustments. Despite the obvious adjusting to each other again moments, there are many little things one does not anticipate to be hurdles. For example, the time change: I am awake during the day and he is sleepy/grumpy. He is up at 3am wondering why I am still sleeping and wasting time while I am wondering why he is asleep at 6pm and not spending time with me. Frustrating. He has forgotten what American food he likes. I am in fear of choosing a restaurant or food he does not like and what he liked before, he now questions or dislikes. Confusing. He now has rock star status and everyone wants to see him. I am clamoring for his attention, too and I still have to go to work almost every day he is home. Irritating.

I am trying to be understanding, but my emotional strength is waning and we haven't made it through the first five days yet. I planned a quiet first few days alone since it was our 22nd anniversary. We take turns each year to plan our anniversary celebration. I thought it was up to me to make the plans. I guess not. We spent the evening with friends, not a problem in the big picture of life, but sure monkey wrench in my plans for a quiet first four days together. Tomorrow will be with more friends and so forth on Sunday.

I find I am struggling to find a way to spend time with my husband and not be bitter at the same time. We have shared a hard won 22 years together and this deployment has been the longest we have ever been apart. When he was at training three years ago, I did not know about the concessions I would be making but got a crash course lesson. At the time, he was in a hotel in Virginia for four months sleeping in a queen size bed and I was doing the same here at home. I loved sleeping where and how I wanted all by myself in the bed while he was gone and he did the same. When we returned to sharing the same bed it was like a combat zone. We had to learn to stay on our own halves and compromise on space. His return from this deployment has been easier on that front because I learned from that lesson. I knew Troy was going to be sleeping in tents, on cots or something similar (a twin size or smaller) so here at home I made sure I stayed sleeping on my half of the bed. I blocked his side by keeping my laptop, cell phone (and the cats) on his side of the bed. This prevented the combat zone problem upon his return. It was a fairly smooth transition this time.

I am still learning that compromise is the name of the game. I'll let you know how the rest of his leave goes as we work through it day by day.